Sunday, May 27, 2012

Thank You Allah

As I go older..yes have to face the fact that I'm old :p...things changed for the past few years..from worst to better..I realised these mistakes that I made put a great impact into my life..the self awareness that just came naturally to my heart..let me give you a few examples:

- before I don't care if I wear short length shirts..kira atas punggung or betul2 separuh punggung where whenever I raised my hand it would show my skin..even sometimes my sisters pon tegur je but I decide untuk ignore je...

-Now I had to make sure all my clothes covers the butt and of course loose as I don't want people to see my sexy back..long cardigans are a must whenever I wear short sleeve shirts..thank you Allah for giving me the feeling of shame...If I wear something tight or singkat..I would feel like somehow naked and everybody is staring at my butt hehe

-before I don't care if I wear my hijab not covering the chest..I was thinking bout the whole fashion thing where most hijab models wear their hijab not covering the chest.

-Now I got the feeling that people are staring at me..than I figure 'what's the point of wearing a hijab but not covering the chest?" its just the same as not wearing them..thank you Allah for giving me the feeling of awareness about hijab

-before all I wanna do when entering a new environment is just to fit in..jumpa geng2..ikut je geng kalau pergi mana2..diorang abeskan duit..aku pon abeskan duit skali..they think negatively about people..u too have to think negatively..they cheat..u cheat..they have boyfriends/girlfriends..u wanna have one too

-Now I realised that fitting in is just a stupid option. Do what you think is right..think wisely and follow what your heart tells you to..its not that you have to be will have friends that know about you, understand your situation and always think positively about you.. I made my choice..I choose to stay with people older than people that I am more comfortable with..Of course sometimes I missed hanging out with my classmates but alhamdulillah Allah gave me a two year chance to had fun with them..and     sacrifice my other two years for things that I should have done for the family..and yes my colleagues do feel a little weird about me  not hanging out with them that sometimes put an awkward feeling to us. but thank You Allah for giving me the feeling of having a family even though we are not related but you treated me as a part of your family and I am so grateful of that.(the family thing mungkin kurang jelas kat sini..akan terang lbh lanjut in my next post)

-before I seldomly recite the Quran..paling-paling pon baca Yasin seminggu sekali...tapi baca yasin da biasa so nak baca pon tidak la merangkak-rangkak...but when it comes to other surahs, oh man saya kecundang..baca tahap darjah satu iqra'..buat malu ketua kerohanian aspuri smk bandar putra 2006 hehe..dulu punya la suruh budak-budak ni baca Quran at least satu hari satu page..then bila aku da masuk universiti makin kurang amalkan lak..bila kurang baca..maka kurang lancar lah..

-Now I would spend at least one page per waktu reciting the Quran..bacaan pon alhamdulillah semakin lancar walaupon tajwid sedikit lemah..thank You Allah for making me realizing that I should be closed to You..thinking that you will always be there for me whenever I feel lonely...sad..happy..painful..angry..uneasy feeling..lost..

I hope these positive changes would continuously forgive me for all my wrongdoings..I am still not perfect..and perfect doesn't exist..but striving for perfection does..



hakimhardcore said...

semakin matang dalam berfikir dan bertindak..keep it on

adlin said...

insyaAllah..will keep trying :)