Completely Stuck in The Past

Sometimes  I do think much of my life back then..some of them I miss so much..some of them I feel traumatized....seems that I regret of doing things that I face the consequences now...I imagine things happening before..things that won't happen again..but those moments are completely thoughtful for the rest of my life...as I walk through each path every day in my life.. I watch the similar situations happening around me and reminisce the memories I once had....sometimes I don't think it as a way of psycho thinking...I think of it as a way to make my life positively again...

I think of:

I'm still in a relationship with my first boyfriend and now happily engaged and planning very particularly about our wedding preparations

I still think of my dad comes at home every night and asked the whole family to jog at the lake every weekend mornings and have a nice family dinner somewhere in a restaurant with all six of us...

having my study routines like I was in form 3 and matriculation days where I disciplined myself to study and complete all my homework from 8-12 and woke up at 5a.m..

getting emotionally bullied by schoolmates for being the quite, timid one and the one who has more guy friends than girls that makes some girls jealous and then I got accused for 'stealing' their boyfriends...I came to my dorm everyday feeling  that highschool would end soon and I would be out of their lives living the dream..

either way I know my actions are not good at all...I should really think of carry on my life to life a better way ahead...



if I know that my life was going to be completely opposite now I would have not broken up with my boyfriend as I am jealous like hell seeing him marrying another girl on june next year while I seemed to fail every relationships after him.....I would have spend much more quality time with my dad and saying "thank you" and "love you" to him for raising the four of us and fulfilling our needs while you had us at a very young age..as I grow up being an adult I truly realised how hard it was to be a parent...

move forward..for a better future...let go of your past...you can't control your past but you can control ways to react with them in the future...if I haven't gone through all these situations in life I would have not be the person I am now..