Completely Stuck in The Past

Sometimes  I do think much of my life back then..some of them I miss so much..some of them I feel traumatized....seems that I regret of doing things that I face the consequences now...I imagine things happening before..things that won't happen again..but those moments are completely thoughtful for the rest of my life...as I walk through each path every day in my life.. I watch the similar situations happening around me and reminisce the memories I once had....sometimes I don't think it as a way of psycho thinking...I think of it as a way to make my life positively again...

I think of:

I'm still in a relationship with my first boyfriend and now happily engaged and planning very particularly about our wedding preparations

I still think of my dad comes at home every night and asked the whole family to jog at the lake every weekend mornings and have a nice family dinner somewhere in a restaurant with all six of us...

having my study routines like I was in form 3 and matriculation days where I disciplined myself to study and complete all my homework from 8-12 and woke up at 5a.m..

getting emotionally bullied by schoolmates for being the quite, timid one and the one who has more guy friends than girls that makes some girls jealous and then I got accused for 'stealing' their boyfriends...I came to my dorm everyday feeling  that highschool would end soon and I would be out of their lives living the dream..

either way I know my actions are not good at all...I should really think of carry on my life to life a better way ahead...



if I know that my life was going to be completely opposite now I would have not broken up with my boyfriend as I am jealous like hell seeing him marrying another girl on june next year while I seemed to fail every relationships after him.....I would have spend much more quality time with my dad and saying "thank you" and "love you" to him for raising the four of us and fulfilling our needs while you had us at a very young age..as I grow up being an adult I truly realised how hard it was to be a parent...

move forward..for a better future...let go of your past...you can't control your past but you can control ways to react with them in the future...if I haven't gone through all these situations in life I would have not be the person I am now..

Renewable Energy Research Interest

 For my 7th semester I have been taking renewable energy subject as my elective subject...so far I'm interested in learning the subject despite the fact that our lecturer Prof Madya Juhari has piled us loads of work that even I had to submit them a little bit late ( honestly not a little..a LOT late I would say) but the interest of renewable energy has put me a little of thinking continuing my masters degree in research under renewable energy...I found some links that may put me choices on what type of renewable energy should I focus on..

Come to think about it...I have grown up in an environment of R.E...my dad is a chemical engineering lecturer and currently his research are more focus on R.E..I remember this one time where he asked my sister to edit a video on his project on  'Mobile Ultrasonic Solvent Extract' (MUSE)..yeah even though it has been like more than 9 years I still can't forget the name of it...because I have been helping my sister during the editing process..and I was the one who recorded the whole process...basically from what I remember back then its a machine invented to recycle used cooking oil...the project itself has brought my dad to korea for more than a week that even he had to spent eid there...raya keempat kot baru balik malaysia...as far as I remember my dad has travel a lot to many countless countries that even I was a little jealous for him travelling a lot even though it was for working purpose...ayah cakap " ha belajar la betul2 kalau nak jadi macam ayah"...hmm I don't know  if my numerous days of lack of sleep for this semester could be a strong reason for me to succeed like you..macam ni pon dah rasa macam nak nangis hehe...but only now I realize how great he was for achieving awards throughout his researches..nak rasa gak nama aku ada kat list2 award ni  

As for my second reason is that my final year project is also related to RE...briquetting agriculture residue...and my supervisor is a chemical engineering lecturer...so basically she never taught degree students...dia ajar budak diploma je subject kimia...I don't know why dia apply utem yang tak de course chemical engineering...so tak kisah la...the point is I'm interested in doing my final year project even though I noticed that I have to go through hardships and my supervisor is very detail and particular about our  work..so I know it will be hard for me to get an A for my final year project...what I get is what I deserved..


So I did a little research on RE for masters program...lots of universities offer opportunities to do masters research under   RE..these offers seems great..but the thing is, am I good enough?do I have what it takes to pursuing my masters? should I work first then continue? thinking of my age seems to be a little frustrating..most of my friends my age already graduated with a degree and having a secure job...semester 8 will be the time to decide such things...and I'm still confused...hope Allah will guide my way..

Actually it strucked me to write this post when PM Juhari gave us our last quiz that is to write a short report on RE application in the community based on the talk held last week (which I didn't get the chance to attend due to my control engineering test on that same time) so I start to make a little research for the quiz..quiz tak setel lagi tapi kau da sibuk nak tulis blog kan...sebab ini jam pukul 5 pagi masa inilah mood nak menulis datang hihi...

apa2 pon..silalah study wahai adlin..final awak ni dahla 5 paper..less than 5days before your finals ok...

ok selamat subuh!!

appendices (pic2 ni tiada tujuan diupload atas dasar riak dan sebagainya yang boleh membawa kepada pelbagai spekulasi)

picture 1 and 2 source from http://jpni.ump.edu.my/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=59&Itemid=64

source from http://www.minds.org.my/News/itex03_winners.html

Tasya and Amir at Malacca

Alkisahnya satu minggu itu mereka bersepakat untuk ke melaka...not much to say..so lets roll with the pictures shall we...


breaking dawn part 2 >> arching>>cendol>>exhausted to the max

gaya masing2 xnak kalah..kami semua 1st time main...amir

tasya yang katanya lemah kalau main game yg melibatkan point/arah tuju 

budak ni tak nak kalah gak..style dalam pada pakai gadi2 hihi

the results from 12 arrows..from left amir..tasya..me!!rasanya aku punya jitu tp tak persis kot lol

afamosa uolls!!

sign tgh tu penting hihi

paling malu aku nk amek pic ni..sume tgk hehe

da 4thun aku ddk sini 1st time makan cendol kt sini..mmg sedap..patut slalu ramai

dekat sungai kawasan river cruise melaka

 Thanks korang sebab datang..walau dengan kerja yang sangat bertimbun ni tapi dapat juga ku harungi demi anda2 ..ayat tipikal benar kan...tak kisah la...masing2 pon sibuk je...tapi its ok to get a little stress out day right...hoping for them to come next semester...banyak lagi tempat tak jelajah lagi hoho

Letih gila bak hang!!

sori if I didn't post anything for the past two weeks..been super busy with test, final year report and assignments that could not seem to be  decreasing in amounts.. last week was a disaster..I haven't slept in a week!! I mean I did sleep literally but just a maximum of 3 hours..bila da berjaga lama macam ni rasa macam seminggu ni lama gila,,,completing my final year project is really tough since you have a really detail supervisor...I went through 10 or more different journals..previous students report..and after all the hardwork and less sleep..alhamdulillah I have completed my FYP..submitted to the faculty..

BUT!!.....in the end I didn't submitted it to the faculty..because I forget and I didn't know that we have to printed in two copies..what a bummer right.. in the end kak wawa the staff said that we can submit our report on monday..ok thats a relief...

I think being a final year student is not that relaxing..we still have classes like  we were in year 1..and at the same time we have to focus on our final year project..oh my...that is so not fair..this is torture you know..is this how utem train students to work under pressure?ok you know what..if the pressure is destroying my life and health...I rather  quit....but tipu la aku nak wat cmtu kan...tahan jela sampai habis blaja ni...

balik2 rumah je...badan rasa menggigil sangat..maybe because I didn't realize that I haven't ate anything heavy for the pas three days..bila beban fyp da kurang so baru rasa segala penat2 tu...da siap makan..mandi semua..aku sambung la marathon 'once upon a time'..tanpa disedari..aku tertido sampai la cte tu terulang balik...bangun2 dengan tak sempat nak tutup laptop aku bangun tukar lokasi tido kat katil dengan tidur tak berbantal dari pkl 10.30 sampai la 8.30 pagi..terlepas subuh disitu tak sengaja...roomate aku kata aku tido statik gila,,ini memang penat tahap ultimate ni...


as for today..keje aku hari ni memang sambung marathon movie..baring2 tgk lptp...makan pon quaker oat je..sihat kan haha...memang nak relax je seharian..esok baru plan nk sambung segala kerja2 tergendala...bayangkan masa study week ni pon kne lagi wat keje...madness!!

ok enough for tonight...online kat rumah my clasmate kismera sambil doing the girl talk with fisah...bergelak ketawa dimalam hari...rindu sungguh bergelak2...

ok.. updates about my other activities later XOXO (publish)...*konon feeling  gaya lisa surihani dlm istanbul aku dtg haha..

Ujian

a post I fully copied from Hilal Asyraf's post on his official page:

Tujuan ujian adalah untuk menguji. Sebab itu namanya adalah ujian. Jika ujian itu datang dalam keadaan mudah dilangkau, tidak dinamakan ianya ujian. Ujian semestinya menggegarkan, menggoyahkan, meragut ketenteraman dan menghilangkan kesenangan.

Dalam keadaan ini Allah ingin melihat sejauh manakah keyakinan kita kepada-Nya.

Yang Allah mahu daripada ujian adalah pembuktian kita terhadap keimanan kita.

Saya sering mengulang ayat 2 dari Surah Al-Ankabut:

“Apakah manusia itu mengira, bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan berkata: Kami telah beriman, sedangkan mereka itu belum diuji?”

Sebab itu, adakah kita mengira, kita akan masuk syurga Allah dengan lenggang kangkung tanpa diuji dengan ujian yang hebat? Kadangkala seakan kita tertolak ke pinggir gaung. Hanya menunggu masa sahaja untuk jatuh walaupun telah berusaha bertahan.

Kita bertanya-tanya, kenapa kita diuji sedemikian rupa?

Ketahuilah, itu hakikatnya adalah tapisan kita ke syurga Allah SWT.

“Apakah kamu mengira, kamu akan dimasukkan ke dalam syurga, selagi belum tiba kepada kamu ujian yang telah didatangkan kepada orang-orang sebelum kamu? Mereka diuji dengan kepapaan dan serangan penyakit serta digoncangkan. Sehingga berkatalah rasul dan orang yang beriman dengannya: Bilakah pertolongan Allah(hendak sampai)?...” Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 214.

Iya. Diuji sehingga ke pinggiran gaung. Sehingga tergoncang keimanan mereka. Allah nak bantu atau tidak ini? Tetapi mereka itu memilih untuk terus percaya. Apakah jawapan Allah pada akhir ayat itu?

“...(ketahuilah) sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu amat dekat.” Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 214.
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Petikan daripada Buku Motivasi Untuk Kita Pendosa: Harapan Selalu Ada!

Bare with It

I realized it's been my 7th semester here and the same problem always arises everytime we have are assigned to a group work...some students may prefer choosing their own group member while me on the side always have problems choosing my own group..everytime the lecturers asked students opinions whether to choose their own group members or simply the lecturer decides, I would be the one really hoping that the lecturer would decide our own group. For me its easy and we don't have to bother on searching for one.

When it comes to forming our own group, that could be a problem for me. I remembered when I was in my 1st semester where people would quickly approach me to be their group member in japanese language class (fyi I have a moderate level of Japanese Language :p). I still remember that time I was so confused on choosing which group should I joined. In the end I choose the ones that asked me first.

Moving on to my 2nd, 3rd and so on...I had problems when it comes to forming my own group. I guess maybe its my own fault for not performing well in the task given, or maybe its my fault that the group's mark are not good, or maybe the fact that I'm just not good enough...the thoughts keep arousing me everytime.. its like people are avoiding me or something...on the other side I heard that guys prefer grouping with their own kind. Means its easy when it comes to discussion where they could easily discuss at their rooms, houses with their shirts taken off. Imagine grouping with a girl, they should meet up in a open place and can't simply move around freely.

There's another case where I found a group of people prefer on their own group..what  I meant here is that no one could join their group..its like a group of what you can called " The Top Scorers" where they can't simply let the 'Average' join the group. Total BS right....

To come think about it, I should reviewed myself on how have I been treating people during my group work. There must be some kind of reason why people somewhat refuses me to join their group. I don't expect every people to like me though..its their own choice. I just need to know what part of me that I should change for the better. If I think one the negative side (which I shouldn't)...people only approach me to be in their group for subjects that I am good for like japanese language and technical communication. Other than that, I have to search alone..so does it mean that I'm no good for other subjects?Well hello I got an A- for my Mechanics of Machines subject (I defined an A- for me is like an A++  for adlin) so I'm not much of a loser you know huh...

Forget the negative thoughts..bad adlin..bad....I should always look everything in a positive side..islam taught me that...I forgot the term called for that..relax la adlin...despite the pressure you're carrying, there are people who are willing to take you as a group member and accept with your weaknesses..indeed they are good people...thank you for that...

I really hope that this post won't offend anyone who read this...so sorry if I did so...this semester has been really tough and full with pressuring tests so I may get a little emotional..plus I'm on my PMS mode so paham2 jela :p

I wanna graduate!!

Frankly speaking..I just hate seeing picture people posting about their graduation pictures on facebook or instagram what so ever. Jealous?OF COURSE!! I have been studying since 2007 till 2012 and still no degree yet... sometimes I even felt a little tired of this student life.. maybe because the fact that I am studying in a course that I can't really survive by getting good grades so by now I just feel that I wanna finish my degree so bad that it is killing me slowly deeply inside...

I just had a 2-hour skype session with my best friend topek in Japan where he told me that he will be going back to malaysia on 27 december..so about 3 more weeks left. He's the same age with me..he graduated but due to his 4 months training in Japan he couldn't go to his convocation..but the point is he graduated..most of my 1989 borns already graduated... kalau yang amek course 3 years tu lagi la cepat habis...me on the other side, stil on my 7 semester. I think that maybe I will have a 9th semester...yeah bummer right...so that makes me graduate at the age of 25!!!like seriously? 25 is the age that most people already had their masters degree..and for a married person maybe their kids had already know how to walk!!

Oh my Allah, sometimes I feel so pressurized by the fact that I wouldn't be able to graduate with my friends, finding a decent job and get married..even though sangat ramai kawan2 saya kahwin  ketika belajar tapi jodoh saya tak sampai lagi nak wat camne.. at least kalau ada suami ni leh la nak mengadu segala masalah and hoping that he will make u feel better... I only have friends to rely on..sometimes I think I'm not playing a good role of being a friend. Duduk rumah pon asing2 dengan harapan tak nak cari gaduh..tapi tengok orang lain ok je nak berkawan..lagi2 tengok kawan2 kat UITM..UKM..serumah and juga sekelas..xdela masalah bagai... My sister also had that same problem when she was in her degree time where she prefers staying with people other than her classmates... we do have that kind of bond kan kakak?are we such freaks?


Senang cerita macam ni la...this is my final year as a degree student but I think I haven't got the chance to do so many things. Like this one time..semalam je pon...for interfaculty games I was selected to play in a bowling tournament since my score during the selection process was 143..the third best among 7 who participate..and they only wanted 4 girls to play.. I was more than happy to play since it has been two years that I played tennis for interfact so this year rasa nak tukar angin...but since this week has been super busy that I have no time for training, the team manager decided to put me as a reserve,.,,and I was like WTF? ada je lagi  player yang tak training and you just have to give them a part to play right just because you owe them..great,,just great...I had to come to support the team but reality is that I just watched them play dalam hati  cakap ," I can do better than them," masa tu team tengah score agak teruk...why manager why? pastu depan si budak tahun 4 ni cakap, " ini last game ko..last year" eh manager, saya ni bukan last year jugak ke? why didn't you give me a chance? seriously I am frustrated..that's why I couldn't give much support to them..yea it may seem selfish for me but its my last chance to contribute something even though its not about the prize that we are after...( karen..if you're reading this, which I know you do, here's the truth why I didn't want to talk about the game yesterday )

Tomorrow is the last day for interfaculty games as well as the majlis penutup..my tennis teammates, classmates that participate in softball, handball will also be playing tomorrow. I wanna come to be their supporter..but I think twice before going..am I going to humiliate myself simply because I went alone watching? even topek said, " watpe ko nak g menghitamkan diri," xsupportive langsung punya kawan haha...seriously tak kisah pon kalau hitam,..my skin will return back to its original tone in a few months hehe...but all of this won't be fun if we don't have friends that could jerit2 sama2 korang and gelak sakan sama kan...

Despite of all the tension arises, I am glad to be talking to one of my best friends that I miss so damn much...sometimes I imagine  meeting him with his classmates yang memang suka menggila dimana saja when I was walking my way through class...its fun having seniors as friends but tak best jadi senior due to the tension gila2 bak hang...ape benda yang ak sembang pasal tension2 ni semua dia dah rasa...nasihat dia pasal sem 8 ni is janganlah lewatkan kerja tu..kalau tak confirm tension gila...fyp akan jadi lagi senang kalau lebih bersedia...

OK adlin..you have to stay stronger just a little bit more...I know it sucks for not being able to graduate on time...but always remember Allah tak akan uji hambaNYA diluar kemampuanya...