The Bloom Part Two

Why part 2? where's part 1? well I decided to save part 1 to myself and I figure its too private to share with any anonymous whose reading this since I let my blog public...

So why bloom? well in malay it means berbunga-bunga kan..the feeling that you're happy and just by looking or speaking to someone you love..oh my terasa jiwang lak malam2 ni...

I was once that girl...I easily get butterflies in my stomach every time a hot jock or guy in school smiles at me or even making jokes to his friends.. I love the feeling of a person cared about me that it makes me feel secure.  I didn't realized that I always get the guy that I had a crush on. Like kamal my first boyfriend, my heart pounded the moment I first saw him.. they say that if you're heart starts pounding so maybe he is the one you are gonna spend the rest of your life with..Well from what I have been going through, thats totally BS...even so I really think that he would be my husband then...

At school I never really experienced 'puppy love'..thats a good thing for me though because most of high school relationships didn't end up to marriage..but I do experienced the bloom when my crush talked to me even though he did not have a single clue that I had a big crush on him until someone I trust (that time I wasn't aware of the term trust to people) spill out my secret and the guy knew and suddenly avoiding me..by that time the crush was over because he react like a total jerk haha..

Well thats one of the examples that I could give now..I could share more stories on my crushes experience but maybe it would take more than a night to cover it up...and maybe I could publish  a novel perhaps haha..ok lame adlin..lame...

Then after all these years I realized that I was being selfish...I had an option but I chose to grab all of it..in the end I couldn't keep one...mende aku cakap ni pon aku kurang faham....but the thing is now Allah has taken me the 'bloom' feeling from me...its a sign to realized that I was abandoning Him and choosing more of dunya that Him...ten years ago my teacher back in sekolah menengah islam hidayah told us a story about her friend..she and her husband did not have any issues until one day she doesn't have any feelings for her husband..not even the 'batin' part..barangkali dia lebih bernafsu tengok lelaki lain berbanding suaminya sendiri...she panicked..dalam setiap solat she prays that she could overcome Allah's test upon her..I didn't know what happened next...the whole point of my teacher's story was ' What if one day Allah decided to take that love feeling between you and your husband/wife?".... So its possible then.

In  my case...after three relationships that didn't work out I finally have that feeling of not having the bloom thing at all...I did panicked a while..maybe I was being more careful on judging people...I had that mission to get married at the age of 25,but on 2013 at the age of 24, it seems so  pressure for me deciding. My mom keeps pressuring me to meet this 'husband material' kind of guy that she promised a better future..yes I know he is someone stable...I always hear about pilihan ibu bapa yang terbaik...tapi paling tak suka kena pressure..last year I made a deal with a friend that we would be engage by this year and married in 2014...he seems to agree with that since we were on the same boat last year..then I thought everything would be settled after our agreement...no frequent text messages, late night calls or whatsoever...bajet cinta lepas kawen la katekan..then mom decided to berkenalan with her choices..than I argued with her saying that I already have a choice.." well that choice is not good enough,btw he will graduate the same year with you so you will face hardships before both of you can be fully stable..so please go for my choices,"

Well if thats the case, I decided to leave our conversation there...I know that my mom sedang melalui fasa where she wants to see us happy...she doesn't want to put us in hardships just like we are going through now...marriage..jodoh kan satu rezeki..maybe rezeki saya belum sampai lagi so I don't need to rush..besides am I the 2nd breadwinner in the family?so of course I need to sacrifice the important things first before marriage...

Seriously I don't know what I'm babbling here...if you get the point..congrats..if you don't..well sorry can't help...

please be one of these guys if I wanna have that bloom again ahaks...

chris pine..always love him since the princess diaries 2

Ian somerhalder...the good-looking salvatore brothers

avan jogia.. from victorious

 or paling dekat la aku bagi untuk malaysia is...*drumroll please*

hairul azreen!!!the stuntman yg masuk fear factor selebriti malaysia...ulang2 tengok part dia je...sangatlah cool ok haha